To Be of Use

The central character of "Cider House Rules" struggles to find his way to "be of use" in a world that persists in confronting him with dilemmas. I identfied, identify with Homer Wells in this and many ways.

The other evening a friend came by to dinner and we got to talking as people of an age will about being of an age. She's younger by a dozen and a half years but was talking about traveling in Europe with her mother. Anyway she asked about what was going on with me and I told her about this blog. She might have enough to hunt it down, but I didn't tell her where to find it. Maybe I will.

Then she started query me about why I was questioning where I am right now. Questioning might not the correct word.

She asked what I was feeling. I told her that I didn't feel "useful." After challenging me that maybe I was attaching that to a 9-5 fulltime job, she enumerated how busy I am. Was it just about the loss of income? What would I do if I were retired?

What's this "useful" about?

Making money? I still make money, just not as much. We'll survive on what's been put away.

Making lots of money? I never made "lots" of money, or what I would call lots of money. In the end I made enough.

Making a difference? Maybe. Making a difference a bigger deal in the corporate world? Probably not. Most of the time it's like moving the deck chairs on the Titanic. You make temporary differences that make some difference to a few people and then it gets washed away by the perpetual tide of reorganization and restructure.

Making a difference in the world? I'm not sure whether to puke or laugh insanely. CSN&Y recorded "Chicago" after the riots in 1968. I featured the line "We can change the world." Good luck with that. You might want to stop watching the nightly news. Besides it has all those damn medication ads.

Being valued by others? I'm thinking that except for the people I love, that is pretty overrated.

Having my wife like me may be the most important thing right now. Which reminds me. I have to go move laundry.