So I just had some pictures taken by a professional studio, probably the first since I was a little kid. I've always had a weird thing about having my picture taken. I think that I can't take a good one, and as a consequence I can't. Always something stiff or awkward about it: a smile that looks like it is losing it around the edges, a grin a little too forced, or a no smile flat affect that looks pretty much like a mug shot.
At one point I had a license picture that was almost pleasant, but then when I went to get the new "enhanced" one, the pic they took makes me look like an unhappy corpse. I envy people like my spouse who can never seem to take a bad one.
I wonder how much of my issue with it is fearing that the camera sees things that I don't want to be seen, like an indigenous primitive in some barely explored place being afraid that the camera will snatch their soul. I think it is true that the face is a map of a life's experience. It's all there to be read. The thing is that most of the time it is in animation and there isn't that moment of stillness that lets you see under the surface. Photographs freeze that moment.
Given age there is more to the map, more to be revealed. I saw a recent picture of someone I have known since 1963. They're not a close friend. Could have been once, but it didn't happen. Their life of privilege leaves a blandness to the face that is startling. Another acquaintance's online portrait shows their scrappiness and energy coming through their eyes.
Well, I'm looking at the one from my shoot that I like the best. There's no smile or grin. The look is serious but the face seems very open, the gaze straight on. The woman at the studio said something about "someone you can trust." I think there is a lot of experience in that face, maybe even some wisdom, and maybe it's settled enough to finally take a good picture.
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